Memories of the Soul
by trapt-tage
Summary: Oneshot. Detailing what Kuja's learned, done wrong, and what he now looks foreward to. The question he asks no longer: Will my soul remain mine?


Discliamer: I don't own FFIX.

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Memories of the Soul

To die is to follow an age old pattern that never ceases to weave itself of the fates of mortals.

Death.

It is the all controlling, ever prominent, relentless force that is the sole parent of fear itself. The common belief I have found is that your behavior in life determines your placement in the life after life; in Death. These punishments or rewards are eternal, it is said, yet the only reason I see for the Gaians to follow such beliefs is to ebb the pain and fear of the omnipresent Death. Of the Unknown. I guess that's a good enough reason to want to believe it.

They say all life returns to the Creator, yet what do they know of having a _Creator_? I know very well what the term both means and entails, yet I do not follow such tales. I believe in the theory of Reincarnation, not of eternal punishment. I don't mean to be critical - by all means, if I were to be critical it should be of none but myself - but there are so many things that, even as my life has run the course such as it has, I don't understand. I even wonder now, if I believe in Reincarnation, what is it that will restore me if I do not believe in the 'Great One' as the others do? Those questions I do not know the answer to, even in the state and place I am in now. I don't know what will cause my rebirth, though I do know - in the very soul that I possess - that it will come about.

My soul knows a great deal. All souls are wise, they must simply remember. My soul remembers. To be reincarnated is to lose what you are, gain something new, and yet still be the same person. Perhaps I will lose my magic, or perhaps my body. Perhaps my command of the dragons will be gone, or maybe my voice. Perhaps I will gain a stronger sense of humor, or maybe I will gain a mother. But no matter what I lose or gain, there is one thing that will always be part of who I am - even if I am not still myself.

The one thing that will forever be the same about you as you are, and you as you are to be - the reincarnated you, I mean - is that you will _always_ retain your soul. This I have learned. It is the one thing the…Creator and the Destroyer cannot take away from you. The one gift you are given that is greater than life itself: the gift to lose life and yet gain life again. To always have a second chance, even if you've already had two chances.

Garland was right. There is an un-ending chain of memories that is eternally growing longer with every mortal that adds to it. Through the soul that chain of memories is continued. The soul is never lost. You may be reincarnated and you may lose your wit or charm; you may look different or be different, yet the one tie that you will forever have to what you once were is that you will always have the soul that can still remember. That is how the great memories of the world are passed on from person to person; generation to generation.

For me, I wish to forget what I was. I do not wish to remember being the Destroyer of Terra, and I do not wish to remember the destruction I brought to Gaia. But all that will fade. That is not what your soul remembers. Those are not the memories stored in your soul, those are the memories stored in your head. They are what leave you with your life.

What I will _never_ forget is what I learned. What He taught me was the one thing from this horrible life that I do not want to forget, lest it go to waste. _That_ is what will forever travel with me in my soul as I transcend decades, worlds, dimensions; all to await my turn to come back as a living thing again. Only this time I will not have to learn the lesson again. This time I will not have to question my existence or fear my death, for I will not remember my brother's face, but I will certainly remember his legacy...

Garland was wrong. I _will_ live forever. I will not end as he so expected me to. Yes, his plan worked, and I did die as he said I would, but I will live on in different lives over the span of forever. Only one thing will be different about the lives I will lead in the future. I will not fear death. Not because I know I will come back as something else, but because I will know that I have lived _life_.

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AN: Bear in mind that I like being repetitive (maybe it's just another way of hearing myself speak or something), and I'm almost afraid that I may have overdone it on this piece. Please let me know if you dis/agree. (To be utterly truthful, I don't know how much like this piece…) This is just a one-shot that came flying at me like a fastball to the forehead at somewhere around two in the morning. 


End file.
